I know I have said it a zillion times, but this week is finals week. I just finished up a mind-numbing seminar final with a scored of 88.888888888888%...I feel like if I add enough eights it will turn into an A, but alas it's still a B. It is also completed and done with, so to be honest, I don't even care.
Now all I need to do is make it through my science final without hurling myself out a window and I will have successfully completed my first cycle of college classes. OMG, I AM AN ADULT!
To avoid the aforementioned window-jumping, I am trying to take a holistic approach to managing my bipolar to keep me as sane as can be expected.
* I have an exercise routine. Exercise is really important in general, but for me it helps me to not feel like a complete fat ass and therefore boosts my self esteem which makes me feel less like eating a bullet for breakfast, and it's also good stress relief. I have fallen in love with this:
It completely kicks my ass, and since it's a DVD I don't need to look a fool outside of my living room. As a bonus, I get to scream things like SHUT UP, YOU SKINNY BITCH!!! I HATE YOU!!!! during lunges. And really? She's too cheerful for somebody doing lunges.
*I have been eating better. I cannot handle carbs well. Actually, the only time I was successful at not totally ballooning in weight or getting all hypoglycemic two seconds later was when I was on metformin (for PCOS...why yes, I *do* have every disease). Then I got cysts in my liver and decided that was enough. Now? I am working on eating no grains. Ideally I wanted to start out with just fruit and vegetables, then add meat..but I kinda decided it was easier to just eat stuff that was in the house first. SO far, all I do is crave bread. Fun times!
* I quit smoking. This has just made me act psychotic and bitchy, but now I don't smoke. Unfortunately, I have just become addicted to eyeshadow so it's not like I'm raking in the savings, either. Naturally I am a complete spoiled brat when it comes to bath and body supplies, so my fiance recoils in horror after seeing receipts for $30 mascaras and $18 lip glosses...I will calm down eventually, I think..right? The way I see it, I work full time and go to school full time, and provide for my kids - if I want a stupid mascara, I am getting it. I got a bunch of free crap too, so the money I spent was totally worth it. I also got a sample of my new favorite cream. This? Absolue Premium ßx Body Cream - Body Moisturizers by Lancome best. shit. ever. OF COURSE IT IS, IT'S LIKE A HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS. Needless to say, I will just hope I can get another sample of it after this one runs out because I am not sucking dick in an alley for makeup.
*I am taking my meds. I hate cymbalta, but it stops me from killing myself, so I deal. It is still ridiculously expensive and I still run out and panic every month, but so far I haven't had to hit hardcore withdrawal before I was able to get more. I might not be so lucky this time, as I need an appointment for another prescription and my doctor can't see me until the 3rd and ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh but for now, I am fine.
*I am *considering* therapy. Maybe. Probably no, but I am CONSIDERING it. Gah.
Overall school has been a big self-esteem booster for me, because I don't feel like unwed mom college dropout loser anymore. Now I'm unwed mom college student loser - YAY! I have also started to take an interest in my appearance again, instead of wanting to crawl under a rock and die. Too bad that makeup and clothing cost money!