Sunday, April 25, 2010

I have returned!

I know I have said it a zillion times, but this week is finals week. I just finished up a mind-numbing seminar final with a scored of 88.888888888888%...I feel like if I add enough eights it will turn into an A, but alas it's still a B. It is also completed and done with, so to be honest, I don't even care.

Now all I need to do is make it through my science final without hurling myself out a window and I will have successfully completed my first cycle of college classes. OMG, I AM AN ADULT!

To avoid the aforementioned window-jumping, I am trying to take a holistic approach to managing my bipolar to keep me as sane as can be expected.

* I have an exercise routine. Exercise is really important in general, but for me it helps me to not feel like a complete fat ass and therefore boosts my self esteem which makes me feel less like eating a bullet for breakfast, and it's also good stress relief. I have fallen in love with this:
It completely kicks my ass, and since it's a DVD I don't need to look a fool outside of my living room. As a bonus, I get to scream things like SHUT UP, YOU SKINNY BITCH!!! I HATE YOU!!!! during lunges. And really? She's too cheerful for somebody doing lunges.

*I have been eating better. I cannot handle carbs well. Actually, the only time I was successful at not totally ballooning in weight or getting all hypoglycemic two seconds later was when I was on metformin (for PCOS...why yes, I *do* have every disease). Then I got cysts in my liver and decided that was enough. Now? I am working on eating no grains. Ideally I wanted to start out with just fruit and vegetables, then add meat..but I kinda decided it was easier to just eat stuff that was in the house first. SO far, all I do is crave bread. Fun times!

* I quit smoking. This has just made me act psychotic and bitchy, but now I don't smoke. Unfortunately, I have just become addicted to eyeshadow so it's not like I'm raking in the savings, either. Naturally I am a complete spoiled brat when it comes to bath and body supplies, so my fiance recoils in horror after seeing receipts for $30 mascaras and $18 lip glosses...I will calm down eventually, I think..right? The way I see it, I work full time and go to school full time, and provide for my kids - if I want a stupid mascara, I am getting it. I got a bunch of free crap too, so the money I spent was totally worth it. I also got a sample of my new favorite cream. This? Absolue Premium ßx Body Cream - Body Moisturizers by Lancome best. shit. ever. OF COURSE IT IS, IT'S LIKE A HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS. Needless to say, I will just hope I can get another sample of it after this one runs out because I am not sucking dick in an alley for makeup.

*I am taking my meds. I hate cymbalta, but it stops me from killing myself, so I deal. It is still ridiculously expensive and I still run out and panic every month, but so far I haven't had to hit hardcore withdrawal before I was able to get more. I might not be so lucky this time, as I need an appointment for another prescription and my doctor can't see me until the 3rd and ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh but for now, I am fine.

*I am *considering* therapy. Maybe. Probably no, but I am CONSIDERING it. Gah.

Overall school has been a big self-esteem booster for me, because I don't feel like unwed mom college dropout loser anymore. Now I'm unwed mom college student loser - YAY! I have also started to take an interest in my appearance again, instead of wanting to crawl under a rock and die. Too bad that makeup and clothing cost money!


  1. Has therapy ever done anything for you? I hate when people tell me to go to therapy, because it really didn't do much. I do sort of like going to therapists that see kids too though, it seems less stressful to talk about past traumas while playing with the sand toys or dolly house..

  2. Therapy has never done anything for me except stress me out. I don't like talking about upsetting things (because it doesn't change them), and everything the therapist suggests is either ridiculous/ doesn't work, or is something I'm already doing.

  3. Hello! I came across your blog and am loving reading it.

    I have PCOS as well, and I wanted to recommend something to you that I've been doing since the end of January. I started on the Insulin Resistance diet (I have it, along with my PCOS) and have lost almost 30 lbs. Its been really great for me and I love it, because I can eat pretty much anything, and I don't feel like I'm missing something. I crave carbs as well, but its really gotten in control since I started the diet. It doesn't cut out anyone specific kind of food, i.e. carbs, because thats really bad for your body. It just limits how much you can have.

    You can get the book on Amazon "The Insulin Resistance Diet" and its pretty cheap. I highly recommend it, definitely check it out if you can!

    P.S. Ignore the "Olive and Stapler" its just what i have linked to my Google account. My name is Kadie :)

  4. Hi Kadie!
    Thanks so much for the recommendation! I will pick up a copy soon!

  5. You're welcome!

    I can relate so much to the whole "OMG I NEED CARBS NAO!!!" feelings, so I hope this works for you, like it did for me. I haven't felt deprived once, while on the diet, so I think thats why its worked so well. I've gone from a size 28/30 to a 24P in less than 4 months.

    Trust me when I say I have tried *everything* before, too. This is the 1st thing thats worked and I have been preaching it ever since. I promise I am not affiliated with it in anyway. :P

  6. LOL

    For some reason, if I eat carbs I am instantly STARVING and the only thing I want is moar carbs. I don't even attempt to eat pasta anymore, I'll eat the whole box myself.