Wednesday, June 2, 2010

More school drama

Ok, the only pre schools I can find for H seem to cost more than my college tuition. I am not joking. FOR PRE SCHOOL? WTF? YOU COLOR AND GLUE AND SHIT, WHY IS IT $16K?!?

So at any rate, I am back to the homeschooling thing. This means I'd be doing my online college classes, and doing pre-k with Helena with the Calvert curriculum - in case you want to check it out. I'd also have to work part time, because ummmm we like to do things like eat and live indoors.

As a bipolar parent, this is a difficult decision. What if I get "sick" and can't be an effective teacher? Granted it's pre-school, but still, I highly value education. What will happen to my future employment prospects if I spend a year teaching my daughter pre-school? One of the good things would be that without a full time job I'd be able to transfer to a school for histology or pathology (I really want to do infectious disease/epidemiology), and teach H around my classes - but who wants to hire someone with such a spotty work history? Being bipolar creates a ...."colorful" enough resume without "took a year off to do crafts and stuff with my 4 year old."

I just don't know. I just don't know, and there are so many decisions and there is nothing definitely RIGHT and definitely WRONG so I just have no idea what to do. So I am floundering.

It's really important to me that my babies have the best in everything, no matter how hard I need to work for it, but $16K preschool is just.....I can't. There aren't enough hours in a day for me to work even if I worked non stop for me to pay that type of tuition. I would love to home school. I'd LOVE that bonding time - but would I screw over my future earning potential and therefore hurt my family more than help us?

I am just a huge ball of anxiety.

I pray for peace.