Stupid cops

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local-beat/Cop-Has-Devil-of-a-Time-With-Smoking-Woman-92190259.html

So a little elderly woman is sitting at a fast food restaurant, talking to Satan. The police are called, and the cop goes up to her and freaks out because she is reaching for a suitcase. She claims she is getting a cigarette. Cop tries to take her suitcase, so she punches him in the eye.

*If somebody is that out of it, just give them a goddamn cigarette, don't start grabbing and touching their stuff. Could she have a weapon, maybe - but maybe she just wanted a cigarette. EVERYBODY SMOKES, I am sure somebody could have pulled out a cigarette and stopped this.

*Dude, she was *talking to Satan*. Doesn't that tell you something? Also, she was talking to Satan, it's rude to interrupt a conversation.

*Learn to duck better.

I feel like officers need better training in dealing with the severely mentally ill. Too many people don't know what to do, or simply think it's hilarious or they go RAMBO on us.


During one of my...not so good...moments, I was flipping out about my fiance selling me to the military to be raped by zombies. Instead of listening to what I was saying (YES, I KNOW IT WAS BAT SHIT INSANE) - they decided the way to fix the situation was to call a ton of security guards (with badges= military in my crazy land) and grab at me, throw me down and start ripping my clothes off. I ended up ripping chunks of my hair out and biting myself bloody in fear.


HOW EXACTLY DOES RIPPING SOMEONE'S CLOTHES OFF CALM THEM DOWN WHEN THEY ARE SHRIEKING ABOUT BEING RAPED (albeit by zombies...but still)????


Just. Play. Along. I bet they all had a good laugh about the crazy bitch they got to body slam, too.


During one of my stints in the wacky shack I had a schizophrenic roommate who insisted I was the only one she could trust because I was a Navy SEAL. Hey sure, why not. Then she was flipping out about the lava in our room, until I pointed out that she could just walk around it. Flip out instantly stopped. I don't know why people have such an incessant need for everyone to share the same reality all the time - sometimes there are bigger issues to worry about, like protecting EVERYONE'S safety, not just those lucky enough to be mentally healthy.


I mean, I feel bad that she punched him nevermind, I'm not even going to bullshit you like that.

Panic

Tomorrow I am registering K (the oldest) for Kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN. I can't believe she is going to be five. H is getting put into a pre-school program, which is awesome because her birthday is in November so she misses the cut off date for EVERYTHING but is usually too smart for kids her age.

I am obsessed with something going wrong. I'll forget a form, or the school will lose the paperwork, or SOME PROBLEM WILL OCCUR. I can't handle snags. If everything doesn't go smoothly, I freak. I am so preoccupied with something possibly going wrong I cannot even enjoy this step in my children's lives. I just keep organizing and reorganizing stacks of paperwork.

More stupid fears

I have a paralyzing fear of water. Not the water itself, but more like all the shit living in the water that I am convinced is waiting to eat me. I blame this lame ass movie 100% http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078087/

Ok so in this movie, that I barely remember other than the fact that it warped me for life, a bunch of piranha are accidentally released and start eating kids at a summer camp, and at the end I think they make it to the ocean. This led to fun childhood experiences like me SHRIEKING LIKE A LUNATIC AND RUNNING OUT OF THE WATER because this fish in Florida decided it wanted to get a better look at my bathing suit - naturally it was a piranha that wanted to eat me. That was the same summer I learned that flailing in hysterics and jumping around screaming PIRANHAS!!!! will make your mother slap you repeatedly in public.

Unfortunately, I just discovered a show called "River Monsters." This show is the reason that I will not even be able to scrub a toilet without freaking out that piranhas are going to come flying out and eat my face. Let em show you a list of creatures that are totally fucking unacceptable and should be extinct or at least moved to a planet I do not live on:

OH LOOK, A PIRANAH WITH FUCKING FANGS. I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

Technically it's called a "Payara." I call it an "OMFG GET IT AWAY."

Next up is the Goliath Tigerfish:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!!!!! WHY IS THIS NECESSARY?!?!?!?!!!! Holy shit I almost threw up and peed simultaneously when I saw the teeth. This is completely uncalled for.

Lukily I just learned about teh candiru, so I will never pee again:

A fish that swims up your pee-hole? AWESOME!



And fucking bull sharks. Fuck.this.

The people who know me are probably cackling because for the longest time as a kid I wanted to be a marine biologist. This was before I realized that nature was scary.

I have always had ocean-phobia since the water on the Jersey shore is effing disgusting and murky and you can't see your feet - but needless to say that when I learned that NJ has more shark attacks than any other US state, I was sold on staying on the beach.

Did I mention the time when I was visiting my grandparents in Florida and I made friends with the girl next door, and we went to jump in her pool and there was a goddamn gigantic alligator chillin at the bottom? NO POOLS FOR ME! Even in gator-free pools, I have freaked myself out by convincing myself I was actually in a shark tank and the sharks were waiting to attack (oh mental illness, you ruin summer).

For now I'm happy in my lawnchair, holding my beer, dangling my feet into teh plastic baby pool.




For now.

I have returned!

I know I have said it a zillion times, but this week is finals week. I just finished up a mind-numbing seminar final with a scored of 88.888888888888%...I feel like if I add enough eights it will turn into an A, but alas it's still a B. It is also completed and done with, so to be honest, I don't even care.

Now all I need to do is make it through my science final without hurling myself out a window and I will have successfully completed my first cycle of college classes. OMG, I AM AN ADULT!

To avoid the aforementioned window-jumping, I am trying to take a holistic approach to managing my bipolar to keep me as sane as can be expected.

* I have an exercise routine. Exercise is really important in general, but for me it helps me to not feel like a complete fat ass and therefore boosts my self esteem which makes me feel less like eating a bullet for breakfast, and it's also good stress relief. I have fallen in love with this:
http://www.amazon.com/Gaiam-Kettlenetics-Slim-Tone-Kit/dp/B001EQW8W2
It completely kicks my ass, and since it's a DVD I don't need to look a fool outside of my living room. As a bonus, I get to scream things like SHUT UP, YOU SKINNY BITCH!!! I HATE YOU!!!! during lunges. And really? She's too cheerful for somebody doing lunges.

*I have been eating better. I cannot handle carbs well. Actually, the only time I was successful at not totally ballooning in weight or getting all hypoglycemic two seconds later was when I was on metformin (for PCOS...why yes, I *do* have every disease). Then I got cysts in my liver and decided that was enough. Now? I am working on eating no grains. Ideally I wanted to start out with just fruit and vegetables, then add meat..but I kinda decided it was easier to just eat stuff that was in the house first. SO far, all I do is crave bread. Fun times!

* I quit smoking. This has just made me act psychotic and bitchy, but now I don't smoke. Unfortunately, I have just become addicted to eyeshadow so it's not like I'm raking in the savings, either. Naturally I am a complete spoiled brat when it comes to bath and body supplies, so my fiance recoils in horror after seeing receipts for $30 mascaras and $18 lip glosses...I will calm down eventually, I think..right? The way I see it, I work full time and go to school full time, and provide for my kids - if I want a stupid mascara, I am getting it. I got a bunch of free crap too, so the money I spent was totally worth it. I also got a sample of my new favorite cream. This? Absolue Premium ßx Body Cream - Body Moisturizers by Lancome best. shit. ever. OF COURSE IT IS, IT'S LIKE A HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS. Needless to say, I will just hope I can get another sample of it after this one runs out because I am not sucking dick in an alley for makeup.

*I am taking my meds. I hate cymbalta, but it stops me from killing myself, so I deal. It is still ridiculously expensive and I still run out and panic every month, but so far I haven't had to hit hardcore withdrawal before I was able to get more. I might not be so lucky this time, as I need an appointment for another prescription and my doctor can't see me until the 3rd and ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh but for now, I am fine.

*I am *considering* therapy. Maybe. Probably no, but I am CONSIDERING it. Gah.

Overall school has been a big self-esteem booster for me, because I don't feel like unwed mom college dropout loser anymore. Now I'm unwed mom college student loser - YAY! I have also started to take an interest in my appearance again, instead of wanting to crawl under a rock and die. Too bad that makeup and clothing cost money!

Remember that time I got pregnant and nobody gave a crap? (and then the time it happened after that?)

I hate how jealous I get when I hear about people's baby showers and look at newborn pictures.

Somehow I have grown to hate happy families. Luckily for me, I run this place like a Saudi prison...

Now that that's out of the way, I will tell you about the little circle I am currently running in:

*My psych (who I hate, but I hate all of them as a rule) wants me to go to therapy
*I do not want to go to therapy, as it is useless. I do, however, what my psych to SHUT UP, so I try to get into therapy
*Nobody is taking new patients/taking patients with my insurance/taking insurance, period
*FREAKING OUT ensues (not mine), over me still not being in therapy
*School starts. I am busy almost every single waking hour of the day. Literally.
*I get a referral for therapy at someplace or another.

1) I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS SHIT
1)I DO NOT WANT TO GO, ANYWAY

All I need to do is clone myself and the problem is solved. They will not stop harping on me, and it's stressing me out.

Also, my office is getting audited next week. The same week as finals! More stress.

Did I mention stress is a huge trigger for bipolar freakouts?

This month sucks.

Grrrrrrrr...

If you've been playing along at home, you know that I work full time and go to college full time. I am out of the house from 10 am until 6pm Tuesday through Saturday, and then I spend every other waking moment doing class work or homework - I go to school online because I do not have time to physically "go". Internet college is awesome because you get to study in your pajamas (while drinking wine), but it sucks because they pile on twice as much work.

Before I started college, I cleared it with my fiance. I wanted to make sure that I would have his help around the house and with the kids so that I can devote my time to completing my Bachelors and eventually move on to my Masters. He was super supportive, so I went for it.


BIG. FUCKING. MISTAKE.

My house looks like a hellhole. Laundry that I washed weeks ago is in a heap (I folded it, asked him to put it away, and it has been sitting there for going on three months now. I refuse to touch it out of principle.) The dog doesn't get taken out. The kids eat garbage all day. NOTHING GETS DONE. NOTHING.

I asked him to go grocery shopping *last week*. It's now an hour til Friday and half the list still needs to be purchased.

Did I mention he got laid off and is HOME ALL FUCKING DAY?

I understand that he is home with two children, but it isn't hard to sit them at the table with some crayons and do *anything*. WASH A DISH. PICK UP LAUNDRY.

I can't take it anymore.


He plays video games 24/7 while everything goes to hell. It's totally not fair to expect me to come home, cook and clean, study til 2am and then do it again the next day.

Why are men so goddamn useless?

Wordless Wednesday